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My Apology to Women

I’ve never felt comfortable in a locker room.

From the early towel whipping years of the middle school swimming unit to the rather large men at Lifetime who insist on cutting their toenails in the nude, as you can imagine, it’s not the most inviting place to be.

Yet, deeper than my distaste for the inevitable hurricane of Axe Body Spray is a disgust for the jock, hyper-masculine vernacular.

While in college I lived in a little piece of heaven they called, “Dirty D.” This tower of college chaos was closest to the athletic building and thus filled to the brim with people who liked locker rooms (and extreme binge drinking). If you want to feel bad about the future of our world, it’s a great place to start. Or save yourself the drive to Iowa and just head to your nearest gym on a Tuesday at 5:30pm.

“His wife deserves to be cheated on,” he said. “It’s her fault she’s gotten fat and ugly.”

“She must make a lot of money.”

“I’d rather go home from the bar by myself…”

*group laughter*

…and this was by far the cleanest part of the conversation.

After mentally throwing up six or seven times, I felt that awful feeling like I had to say something, but what?! What could I possibly say to Mr. Clean and his bandit of idiots? Feeling vulnerable in a towel, I quickly put on my pants. Yes, pants would give me courage.

As the conversation went on, finally I just said, “I can’t believe you talk about women that way,” and shook my head. They were a little shocked. The two older men next to me said, “Thank you!” and one gave me a high-five.

The “bros” began to laugh. One guy finally said, “hey, were we talkin’ to you?” My eyes fixed on the vein bulging out of his steroid induced neck and I smiled. What a world we live in.

I left feeling like I fumbled the moment. I wished I’d had more time to craft a poetic and biting response. For most of the night I felt off and I couldn’t figure out why.

Only the next morning did I realize I was still upset about them, these so-called “men”. I suddenly wanted to find every woman who had ever crossed their path, sit with a them and a cup of coffee, and apologize for the selfish tornado of pain these boys have left in their wake.

After mentally planning the stalker-like logistics of this, I settled on praying for them and thought perhaps there needed to be a plan B. I decided to write a letter, and maybe, just maybe it will get passed along to some of the broken women of this world who have lost hope.

My Apology to Women


Dear Beautiful Daughter of God,

Words can’t express how sorry I am for the many “boys” parading around this world pretending to be men.

They’re everywhere—in bars, in gyms, in churches. They’ve completely lost sight of how incredible you are and how perfect God created you to be. You were our gift, made from our very rib to be our friend. Yet somehow, a lot of men completely lost sight of that. They pushed you down, objectified you, paid you less, and left you to survive on your own.

Despite of all of that, you’re totally killing it. You’re amazing. You’ve persevered in a world where 1 in 3 kids are being raised without their biological father at home (Daily Mail). You’ve persevered under high-powered men making unbelievable comments about how you should be treated.

I can’t take away the pain of these man imposters or heal the trauma they are causing in our next generation of young men.

It’s terrifying the number of young guys who are looking to our culture to define their manhood. These boys who tell their friends they’re not manly if they don’t watch pornography. Who bully each other to feel powerful. Who lust after a woman without ever considering her mind, her spirit, her soul.

No man is perfect, we all sin and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), but there is a new generation of men and we are fighting back. We are volunteering to mentor boys, to help single moms, to do anything we can to repair the damage of our shattered world.

Please, don’t give those moronic, bro, “get-some” idiots the time of day. You are worth so much more than their empty compliments or faked affection. Look to God for your worth my sister in Christ, come back to your true Father and let Him breath new life into your world. Come to Him and be a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).

No matter where you’ve been or how far you’ve wandered, God is waiting for you with open arms. He loves more than you could ever know.

As for the rest of us guys, let us know how we can help. Be brave and call us out when we stumble. Come be a part of our community where we can support you and treat you like the beautiful daughter of God that you are.



and Your Brothers in Christ.



References: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2253421/1-3-US-children-live-father-according-census-number-parent-households-decreases-1-2-million.html

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About Sam

in love with all things Jesus, music, adventure, writing, teaching, laughter, running, friendship. Founder of recklesslyalive.com.

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  1. Sam, this was amazing! Your concern is very genuine. More individuals need to have your viewpoint on the world and God’s many creations!

  2. Thank you for writing this! I wish I had read this the summer after I left Luther and started at Bethel, a time when I didn’t really value myself for who God made me to be. None the less, it is a great message for any woman of any age, to realize we deserve to be treated respectfully by the real men of the world. Thanks for standing up and being a man of God. Even if the words didn’t come to you at the time, you still took a stand and for that I am grateful.

    • Thank you so much Wendy and thank you for reading my blog! You were such an encouragement to me and for my faith during that crazy first year at Luther. Thank you! I hope you are well, my friend!

  3. Thank you so much Wendy and thank you for reading my blog! You were such an encouragement to me and for my faith during that crazy first year at Luther. Thank you! I hope you are well, my friend!

  4. Sam–Thanks for re-posting this so I finally took a few minutes to read it. It truly is a wonderful sharing of your heart, and it really touches me that you are bold enough to step out there and say those things. I can’t help but think how pleased God is too. Thank you for your honest reflections….I know God has great plans for you, Sam!

  5. akismet-63e2ca2a673fb10452d4cbe2d006c9df

    Sam- WOW! what a beautiful, thought-provoking heart-felt post! What struck me is your courage! Your courage to NOT BE conformed to the basest value of a man! Instead- I see and read the words of a man being transformed to look and act and talk like His Heavenly Father! I love having you for a spiritual brother. I feel all kinds of honored and defended that you would go to battle for God’s girls! Blessings! I can’t wait to read more of your posts!

  6. Thanks Sam for your pure heart, brave and couragageous spirit to serve God in actions and in truth! It’s encouraging to know that there is a generation of men rising up to be a beacon of light and truth in the way you desire to change the hearts of men (even one at a time). Woman HAVE to desire someone who is equally yoked who they run with the same fire to serve God… Until then contentment with themselves knowing how loved they are by their heavenly husband, Christ! I have a story as we all do that I pray, will be used to heal many broken hearts:)
    Thank you Sam
    Bless you!!!!

  7. You are right on! It doesn’t take long to see right through these morons.

    They lack the confidence and grounding in knowing their value as men isn’t measured by their conquests or mask of machismo. This behavior clearly displays immaturity and a very depraved soul.

    What’s even sadder is that there are women who believe this is status quo.

  8. This is beautiful, brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for being a genuine guy in this world of fake boys!

    • Thanks so much Rebecca. It has been on my heart for such a long time. So happy to share this message out into the world! Thanks for stopping by.

  9. Thank you for this post. I’m going through some struggles right now and finding this couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. It’s comforting to read for sure. 🙂

  10. This is amazing. I just wish I could meet a guy one day that fully believes all these things.

  11. Wow … speechless upon reading this. Thank you for having a heart like Jesus and standing up for what He cares about. I will definitely be sharing this with my friends you need to hear just this 🙂

  12. I loved this! Read it to my 15 year old son and enjoyed the conversation it inspired. Thanks Sam!

  13. Hi Sam,
    Thank you so much for that post. You may feel as though you didn’t say enough then, but there is always a possibility that they thought about it later(we can only hope and pray). It felt so good for me to hear those things from a guy close to my age. Not all hope is lost ?. The words you chose were perfect and what I needed to hear; they brought tears to my eyes. Thank you again!

  14. Dear Sam,

    Thank you so very much for taking the time to write this. As a teen girl in this world of standards and pressures, it is very hard to be different. To say no to the temptations and wants that seem to be “normal”. You have reminded me that God is working behind the scenes on creating strong men of God.

    Thank you for reminding me that there are guys out there who are following God and I need to follow Him too.

    Thank you for reminding me of my worth and encouraging me to stand for what is right and keep my standards for God to send me the right man, not boy.

    Thank you Sam for being an example.

    I hope God blesses you greatly.
    Your Sister in Christ,

  15. Sam,

    Thank you for another great blog! How different would this world be if more people had the courage to speak up about injustice in everyday circumstances. I know there are alot more men out their who feel like you do but just keep silent. Please keep doing what you’re doing. It gives encouragement to women who have been hurt by men and to men who are good decent godly men but think that they can’t make a difference. Don’t get overwhelmed by the immensity of our problems we may not be able to do everthing we would like, but everyone can do something. And that something can be the seed that grows and produces great fruit. God bless you!